


Hesitation

by WiltingGirl



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Doctor/Patient, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, rating will change later, surprisingly no drama bc I hate that shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-05-16 10:46:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5825548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WiltingGirl/pseuds/WiltingGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ichigo is a young doctor with PTSD from a past abusive relationship. When he gets a new patient, Grimmjow, who is intent on going out with him, he has to learn to share his past with the man if he wants to make things work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really fucking need to stop writing new stories left and right. Also, I'm not going to bring Ichigo's ex into this story (or even mention who it was) because honestly I hate that shit smh unnecessary drama

I glanced at the clock on the wall, a plain white circle with a Prozac logo stamped across it. It was time for me to finally clock out and finish my shift. Or at least, it would have been, but one of my coworkers decided to go home early which left me to deal with covering for her. Oh well, at least I could thank Yoruichi for all the over time I was getting; that always put me in a better mood when payday rolled around.

Luckily, I only had to work for another hour and a half. My first patient was annoying, but not anything I couldn't handle. A woman named Rangiku came in insisting that she had strep, but when I checked her throat she didn't show any signs of it. But still, she was the persistent type and swore up and down that she knew what she had. I could tell just by looking at her that it was just mucus from a sinus infection dripping down the back of her throat that was making it so sore, but I ordered a strep test just to appease her. When it came back negative I sent her home with antibiotics and a roll of my eyes.

I sat in the break room sipping at black coffee and flicking at the corner of a magazine. I had forty minutes left and I held my breath hoping that I wouldn't be needed again. But shit never goes my way, so when I saw Rukia pop her head into the door I got up and washed my hands, sighing.

"Oh, don't look so grumpy, Ichigo. It's just some guy needing stitches." She chided me, handing me the paperwork. I gave it a once over, raising my eyebrows at what I read.

"Knife wound in his thigh? How the hell did he manage that?" I asked, eyes a little wide. It was rare that I got to stitch people up with such interesting backstories to their wounds. I usually only got self harm patients and people who were in car accidents.

Rukia shrugged and pressed a button on the coffee pot. "He won't tell any of the nurses, maybe you should ask him."

I nodded and headed towards the door but then I felt Rukia's hand on my shoulder. I whipped my head to look at her.

She smiled at me sadly. "From what I heard, he's a pretty in-your-face kind of guy, so be careful and try not to let him jitter your nerves too much, okay?"

My face paled and I started feeling a little cold. I usually didn't have too much trouble with male patients, even when considering my own personal issues. Things were always kept professional; no one touched me and I only touched them when necessary.

The only time things ever got bad is when I finally resumed work after the whole incident with my ex-boyfriend. I was still a little shaky, but I was well into the healing process of getting out of an abusive relationship. I had just finished examining this guy and he grabbed my wrist as I turned around. Before he could even explain what his motives were, I started freaking out and telling him to stop _hitting_ me. Poor Orihime, a nurse, was the first to hear my shitty break down and didn't know what to do so she had to call in another doctor, Rukia, to come and calm me down.

Let's just say, I took another two weeks off of work after that.

"I'll be fine." I smiled the best that I could manage and walked out the door before I could hear Rukia's negative reply.

* * *

I stopped in front of the examination room in the ER that held my patient, taking a deep breath before pushing the door open. The first thing that I noticed was blue, and a lot of it. His hair, his jeans, and when I looked closer, even his _eyes_. It was rare to see blue eyes in Japan that weren't achieved by a pair of over-sized contacts.

I snapped out of my idiotic thoughts and cleared my throat because the guy was staring dumbly at the television mounted on the wall.

Blue snapped his head towards me and grunted out a "Huh?"

I rolled my eyes, mentally scowling at Rukia for worrying me for no reason. This guy seemed far from 'in-your-face".

"You my doctor?" He asked lazily, almost like he was tired.

I nodded and took a seat on the chair across from him on the examination table. "Yeah. So I heard you have a wound on your thigh that needs stitched?"

I glanced down and was immediately informed that it was his left thigh. It was hard _not_ to tell; his left pant leg was soaked with blood and there was a jagged tear in the fabric.

I looked back down to the chart I had received, learning the man's name. It was complex and I wasn't even going to _bother_ learning how to say his last name.

"You heard right." Grimmjow stretched his arm and leaned back on the uncomfortable pillow.

I stood up and gathered some supplies from a few drawers, putting on gloves first. "Alright Grimmjow," It was more polite to use a patient's last name, but I didn't feel like butchering it and being made fun of, "I need you to remove your jeans and let me examine it." It was really weird hearing myself talking so professionally considering how casual I normally spoke

I heard a snicker of laughter from behind me and I turned around.

"Calling me by my first name _and_ making me take my clothes off? Shit doc, no drink first?" Grimmjow stood up from the table, his left leg wobbling a little but he stood on it just fine.

I was about to roll my eyes, but when he stood up my hands felt cold. He wasn't too much taller than me, but he was still taller. And bigger. And most likely _stronger_. I felt my throat tighten up so I swallowed a few times to reassure myself that my throat wasn't closing. I used a deep breathing technique as I gathered the rest of what I needed.

I didn't turn back around until I heard the shifting of the paper on the table, letting me know that he had sat back down and my body wouldn't think it was in danger anymore. When I turned and looked at the gash I actually cringed a bit. It was about three inches long, and quite deep by the looks of it. Luckily though, he managed to miss anything vital.

"Mind telling me how this happened?" I asked while cleaning off the blood around the area of the wound. Even though it _was_ medically relevant, I was still just kind of nosy.

Grimmjow snorted out a laugh and held his thigh still for me. "You're gonna laugh your fuckin' ass off when I tell you."

Honestly, it was actually kind of refreshing when a patient cursed in front of me; it killed a lot of tension in the room.

"I'm all ears." I hummed, still wiping away dried blood.

Grimmjow leaned back on his hands. "I was bored as shit and fuckin' around with my pocket knife."

I nodded, letting him know that I was listening.

"And then I sneezed."

I stopped my hand and peered up at him, a look of disbelief on my face.

"You _sneezed_?"

He laughed low in his throat and shrugged his shoulders. "Accidentally drove that fucker right into my damn thigh. It was a bitch trying to get it out, which is probably why the fuckin' thing is so long."

I couldn't believe the stupidity in this man. Not only did he take the knife out, something you should not do, but he managed to fuck his leg up even worse pulling it out?!

"That wasn't very...bright of you." The urge to call him stupid was hard to fight.

Grimmjow laughed again. "Some people like to say that the only bright thing about me, is my hair."

I couldn't help but laugh at that one. "I guess people could say the same thing about me." My own hair _was_ obnoxiously orange.

"Nah, you're a doctor. Of course you're smart."

I begged to differ, a lot of my coworkers were obviously missing a few screws. But I didn't bother mentioning that to him.

"And you're cute as hell." Grimmjow's voice had gotten a little smoother with that comment.

I was really, really glad that I hadn't started stitching yet because if I had, I would've fucked his leg up even more.

I glared up at him. "What was that?"

Grimmjow cocked an eyebrow at me like he was confused as to why I was suddenly getting salty with him. "You're cute. Y'know, attractive, hot, all that good shit."

Again, I breathed deeply, counting my breaths. It wasn't that he was triggering any bad memories, I just felt a little uncomfortable with being complimented. I wasn't used to that.

* * *

After both successfully ignoring anything he said and stitching up his thigh, Grimmjow was good to go. I started giving him the whole spiel about how to take care of it and all of that but he interrupted me.

"Wash around it, don't pick at it, as tempting as it may be it won't heal corre-"

"Can I get your number?"

I gaped at him, completely and utterly caught off guard. Yeah, he had complimented me, but that didn't warrant him asking for my god damn number.

I stiffened my posture and glared at him pointedly. "No." I wasn't about to beat around the bush.

Oddly enough, Grimmjow didn't even seem phased by the rejection. "You're straight, huh?"

I was just about fed up with him at that point. "That's none of your business."

Then there was this knowing look on his face that manifested itself in the form of this shit eating grin. "You're as gay as a fuckin' rainbow, aren't you?"

_Now I was pissed._ "Sir, please leave." I turned around and pointed to the door, not caring that I hadn't exactly read all of the after-care instructions to him. He could look them up on the fucking internet for all I cared.

Grimmjow held his hands up in defense. "Whoa, I get it okay. I'll just get at you another time."

He strode past me out the door and I just barely had enough restraint to keep from screaming at him from down the hall.

I didn't feel like seeing his cocky ass again, so for once I was wishing that someone I didn't like would be _healthy_.

 


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning in a wonderful mood. I had remembered to take my Prazosin on time, so I didn't have any nightmares. The sun was out, I didn't feel groggy; everything seemed to promise a good day. I went through my morning routine of medication, showering, brushing my teeth, sitting in front of the television in a towel to watch the news for half an hour, and then finally getting dressed.

I had ended with a bit of spare time before I needed to head to work, but I really didn't know what to do with myself. I sat silently at my kitchen table with a third cup of coffee, staring down at a small ring on the wood that was probably from a cup sitting down and the residue never getting cleaned up. I never was any good at taking care of things, myself included. But I really wanted to change that.

The ticking of the clock on the wall in the kitchen really let me know how eerily quiet my large apartment was. I started wondering why I even lived in such a big place. Maybe because I could afford it and it was a type of status symbol? Nah, that couldn't have been it, I was never concerned about my reputation. It was probably the marble fire place that sold me.

Then I realized that maybe it wasn't too quiet, just too lonely. I got up and put my dirty cup in the sink, telling myself that I would put it in the dishwasher later. I looked at the floor of the kitchen, noticing how maybe two bowls would look nice there on each of the mismatched tiles. _I should get a cat_ , I thought.

I shook my head of stupid orange hair, grinning at my own stupidity. I wasn't about to become one of _those_ guys. Single with a cat and a bad coffee habit. I walked to the front door and took my coat and my keys off of the hooks there, telling myself that I was going to have a good day.

That was, until I actually got into work that day.

As per usual, I only skimmed the patient file I had received, nodding behind my fourth cup of coffee at the seemingly simple first case of the day. Complaints of coughing, sore throat, and headaches. Not exactly something that warranted a visit to the hospital, but I would still check them out just in case. And because I got paid to, of course.

When I walked down the hall, I spotted Orihime coming out of the examination room I was supposed to be going in. She must've been assigned to check the patient's vitals.

I waved at her and she seemed a little more flustered than usual. The timid woman clutched her clipboard and walked over to me hurriedly.

"You okay, Orihime?" I cocked an eyebrow at how she was actually _scowling_. Orihime was _never_ angry.

"That guy in there…" She huffed, her small voice actually holding some malice in it for once. "He's really rude."

I was a little confused. Rude patients weren't very common, and usually they were elderly people that we learned to look over and not get upset about it. Not to mention that Orihime was a really forgiving person by nature. "What happened?"

"He wouldn't even let me put the blood pressure cuff on him! He snatched it out of my hand and told me he'd do it himself. He wouldn't let me come near him!" Orihime crossed her arms, glancing back at the room one more time.

I narrowed my eyes at the door behind her. Who in the hell would act like that at a _hospital_? "I'll take care of him, just go chill out in the break room, okay?"

Orihime nodded quickly before stomping down the hallway, and I couldn't help but laugh a little. She reminded me of my little sister Yuzu whenever she was angry about something.

I decided to go ahead and get this shit over with and opened the door, about to introduce myself and talk about the patient's issues, but then my blood boiled.

There he was, sitting on the table just like the day before, but now there was a stupid grin on his face like he had been _expecting_ me.

Instead of overreacting like I wanted to, I played it cool. I ran a hand through my hair and sat down. There was no need to instigate an argument right away. Maybe if I pretended I didn't know him, he would feel like a jackass and back off.

"I'm doctor Kurosaki, what seems to be the problem today?" I knew that my tone was harsh, but I really didn't care at that point. I could tell that there was nothing wrong with the guy just by _looking_ at him. But still, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he was actually sick. That would make things less nerve wracking.

"Grimmjow Jeagerjaques, my problem is that you're actin' like we haven't met before."

Ah, so _that's_ how his last name is pronounced.

I huffed out a breath and glared at him. I really couldn't go through this whole examination acting nice. Still, I tried to keep my anger down to a three, imagining it on a scale up to ten.

"No, I don't think I know you," I said quickly, averting my eyes. I didn't want to look at the man because he made me nervous, a really confused nervous.

Grimmjow laughed at me, a low sound that was almost soothing. "Shit, doc. That's some hardcore early onset alzheimer's you got goin' on there."

_Ugh_ , why did he have to be funny _and_ good looking? Why couldn't he have _not_ been an asshole?

"Even if I _do_ know you, what difference would it make?"

"You were pretty damn rude to me yesterday." He didn't even look remotely angry, he still had that stupid fucking smile on his face.

" _I_ was rude? Excuse me, but _you_ were the one flirting with me when I obviously wasn't into it!" I balled up my fist, but instantly released the tension in my hand. Anger was _never_ good with me. I had to take anger management as a teenager, so at least I had a grasp on how to control it.

"What, a guy can't be charming these days?" My so-called patient shrugged his shoulders.

"If you call _that_ charming, then you really need a reality check, dude. You came off way too fucking strong." _Oh shit,_ I thought, _I'm getting a little heated._ I knew I had slipped far away from being professional, but there was just no going back.

That fucker just smiled at me, and it made me want to deck him in the face. I was tempted to stab him with a scalpel, but that would've got me in a lot of trouble.

"What can I say? When I see something I like, I take it." Grimmjow lowered his eyes and then raked those sapphire eyes up to my face, obviously making a show of checking me out.

I scoffed. _The fucking nerve of this guy_. "That's not how life works."

"Oh? Then tell me, _Kurosaki_ , how _does_ life work?" Smug, the bastard was fucking infuriatingly smug and sure of himself. I honestly could've probably taken a few pointers from him in confidence.

"Well first off, you don't walk into a fucking doctor's office acting like you're the hottest thing in the world and start asking for phone numbers." Grimmjow was hot, but I wasn't in the mood to feed his ego. If anything, I wanted to demolish it. "And you _definitely_ aren't making a good impression my coming into my work place and making up illnesses just to see me again. You could've left a message for me with a receptionist."

"How about I come back tomorrow and do that, then?"

I groaned and rubbed at my temples. Grimmjow was a walking headache. "Don't, _please_. If I give you my number, will you promise me that you won't come back here unless you're _actually_ sick?"

I could practically see the excitement he was radiating just from the promise of getting my number. It was almost flattering. "If I get sick, do you make house calls?"

I narrowed my eyes at him and he put his hands up in defense.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. Yeah, I won't come by again and bother you here. But you gotta actually answer my calls." Grimmjow smoothed a few strands of hair back that were lying in face, only for them to fall back down with a few more blue strands.

_Fuck_ , he got me. I was planning on ignoring him, but the fucker was just too slick.

"Fine, deal. Now leave me alone and don't call me until _after_ I'm off work. I'll be done at six this evening." I had a few breaks before I was off, but I wasn't going to mention them.

He stood up and my body immediately tensed up just like the day before. "Sit back down." I bit the words through clenched teeth.

Grimmjow's smile was gone and turned into a confused frown, but surprisingly he did as I had told him to.

"Okay?" He was definitely questioning my with that single word, but I didn't feel like explaining my issues with him.

I stood up and reached into my pocket for a small notepad, jotting my number down along with my name. I didn't put my first name on the paper because I knew that he would make fun of me for it, and I didn't need Grimmjow making me any angrier.

I shoved the paper towards him and he accepted it a little too eagerly, folding it up neatly and lifting his hips up to slide it into his back pocket.

"I'm leaving now." I headed for the door quickly, not giving Grimmjow a chance to say anything else to me. He could infuriate me when I was off of work and _could_ make a scene without the risk of getting fired.


	3. Chapter 3

I was at the coffee shop next to the hospital when I heard my phone ring. In all honesty, I had forgotten all about Grimmjow's existence halfway through my work day. But the ringtone coming from my phone let me know it was him. How? Well, I had assigned ringtones to everyone in my contacts so that I wouldn't be paranoid about who was calling me and I knew whenever to answer or not. Unknown numbers had the default ringtone.

I slid the lock on my phone open and put it up to my ear with one hand, fishing money out of my pocket with the other to pay for my coffee.

"Hello?" I hated being on the phone while doing something, but I had a feeling that if I didn't answer, Grimmjow would just keep blowing my phone up until I did.

"Hey baby, what're you wearing?"

I couldn't have rolled my eyes any fucking harder. He was obviously trying a little too hard to make his voice sound seductive. "You have five seconds to convince me _not_ to hang up on your lame ass." I gave the barista a look of apology for my public display of rudeness, nodding at her and mouthing 'thank you' as I left with my coffee.

"Shit, you're brutal. Can you tell me what you're _doing_ at least?" His voice was back to its normal tone now, still deep but not forcefully so.

"I just stopped to get coffee and I'm heading home now." I was surprised that Grimmjow hadn't called me as soon as six rolled around; it seemed that the man had enough restraint in him to wait a good twenty minutes.

"Coffee this late? Damn." I heard him laugh. "Are you free tonight?"

I groaned. "What do you want?" I figured that it would be best to have him cut right to the chase. I really didn't like small talk.

"A date."

I paused, both my steps and my voice stopping. "And why would I agree to that?"

"Because I'm being nice."

"Just because you're not being an asshole, _doesn't_ mean that you're being nice." I snorted. "And it's honestly too early for me to be going on a date with you."

" _Too early?_ I'm not asking to fuck you, it's just a date. Y'know, those things people do all the time to get to know each other better."

I got my keys out and unlocked my car, waiting a moment before opening the door. "Well, I'm not like other people, you're just going to have to deal with phone calls and texts to get to know me."

"Not like other people, huh? _Please_ , tell me all about how much of a special snowflake you are, Kurosaki." Grimmjow's voice was playful, but still managed to remain husky. I kind of liked that.

But then again, some people really like cocaine, and that's not good for them.

I couldn't hold back a laugh. "I'm just gonna go ahead and give you a heads up; I'm obnoxiously pessimistic, I get angry really easily, and sweet talk doesn't work on me."

I heard Grimmjow 'tsk' at me. "Damn, that really sucks. I'm one hell of a sweet talker."

I lifted an eyebrow in skepticism. "I'm sure you are, but that'll get you nowhere with me."

"I love a good challenge." Great, he was back to using that stupid 'seductive' voice of his.

"I hope you're not a sore loser." I sat at in my car, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel with a smile on my face that I hadn't really known was there until my face started to hurt.

"Oh, I _never_ lose, baby."

I didn't just laugh, I fucking _cackled_. "You are _so_ fucking corny, damn. You're good for a laugh, I'll give you that."

"I'm good for more than that. C'mon, let me take you out sometime. I promise I'll be a gentleman."

I smirked, unseen by Grimmjow but I couldn't help it. "I'll hold you to that." I finally started my car, having to rush and turn my radio down since I had left it all the way up from that morning. "How about you ask me again tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Why can't you give me a straight answer _now_?" I could hear the confusion in his voice. I could have told him about how I tick, but I didn't feel like delving into that.

"I'm just weird like that. I'm gonna hang up now."

I went ahead and took my phone away from my ear, and I could faintly hear Grimmjow say something to me but I went ahead and hung up. I shook my head to try and get rid of the smile on my face and backed my car out of the parking space.

What Grimmjow didn't know, is that I had an issue with anything I deemed to be an impulse choice. Because impulse choices often led to bad things. Especially when it came to dating. Yeah, it was obvious that Grimmjow wasn't a total creep. He came on a little strong, but he was asking for a date, not to sleep with me. That was a plus, but I couldn't just dive into dating without making sure I would be okay mentally.

* * *

 

I got home around seven and kicked my shoes off at the door, honestly not caring that they went in two different directions and that I would probably be mad that I wouldn't be able to find one of them the next morning.

I turned on the living room television on the way to my room. I needed noise in my apartment because silence made me feel like something bad was going to happen. I unbuttoned my shirt and shrugged it off of my shoulders, undoing my belt and slipping out of my pants. I really fucking hated the type of clothing I had to wear to work. I was a fan of tight tshirts and equally tight jeans, not khakis and button-up shirts.

After slipping on some sweatpants I actually stopped to admire myself in the mirror. I rarely ever took a good look at my body, but I was glad I did. I noticed that I had a lot more muscle mass than I used to, I was still slim, but not fragile anymore. Back when I finally got out of my abusive relationship of two years, both my dad and my friend Rukia suggested that I start working out to keep myself from feeling weaker to other men. It really did a lot for my mental health.

After work I always tried to avoid sitting on my bed too early, because I would end up falling asleep too early and waking up at around three in the morning which would cause me to be a complete asshole at work. I decided that I would just chill out and watch bad tv in the living room.

Really, I had no life. And for a while, I was okay with that.

I always turned down offers from my friends to go out and drink because drinking meant that I wouldn't know what I was doing or what _everyone else_ was doing, which wasn't good at all. I kinda hated that everything made me feel unsafe. I was sucking the fun out my own life to dodge horrible situations that might not even happen.

I bit my lip, ignoring the rerun of Law & Order on tv and picked up my phone. I went into my recent calls and tapped Grimmjow's number and called. He was the closest thing I had to getting out the boring rut that was my life.

"Yeah?"

I made an odd face. It only took two rings for him to pick up. Either Grimmjow was desperate, or he didn't have a life either.

"I'll go on that date with you."

When I didn't hear him say anything right away my heart rate accelerated, and not in a good way.

I scowled, keeping one hand on my pulse point in my neck. "Hello?"

"Shit, sorry. I just wasn't expecting that." _Did I seriously just make him so happy that he was speechless?_ "When and where?"

Oops, I hadn't thought about that. "Tomorrow after I get off of work, if that's cool with you. I'll let you decided where. I have a few rules though."

"Lay 'em on me."

"No bars. Actually, nowhere that involves alcohol. It has to be a populated area, but not uncomfortably populated." I knew that I sounded like a weirdo, but those were my terms and Grimmjow would have to deal with them.

"Noted. I think I can work with that. So, you gonna text me your address so I can know where to pick you up?"

_Haha, not a fucking chance._ I wasn't about to let him know where I lived; I was giving him a date, that was enough for now.

"You can just pick me up at the hospital, I'll bring a change of clothes with me." I was thankful that I had thought of that before I hesitated or chewed him out about asking for my address.

"Gotcha, so I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Just don't make me regret this, okay Grimmjow?"

"I'll make sure you have a good time. See you later, Kurosaki."

I locked my phone and threw it on the other end of the couch, suddenly feeling a little uneasy. I gripped my hair and told myself that I hasn't just made a mistake. Because in reality, all I did was agree to on a date. But in my head I had just made myself vulnerable. I got up and decided to make a light dinner for myself to keep my mind off of negativity before going to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

I think I pissed most of my patients off the next day. Maybe even my coworkers when I was sitting next to them in the break room. I couldn't help it, but my left leg kept jittering up and down, and even though I would stop every time someone glared at me for it, I would instantly go back to doing it. I was distracted by the anxiety singeing at the ends of my nerves to the point where I had almost dropped a strep swab down a man's throat and dropped more than a few IV fluid bags. I thought about going home early, but being anxious at home was a bad idea.

I was about to pour my sixth cup of coffee when my wrist was tapped. I turned to look next to me and saw Yoruichi staring at me with what could only be called an annoyed expression. I really couldn't have blamed her, I was truly capable of annoying people without even opening my mouth. I was thankful, though, that all of my coworkers knew not to grab me and usually just gently touched me instead if they wanted to get my attention.

"Ichigo, please, stop with the coffee. Your leg is about five shakes from falling off." She smiled at me with creased eyebrows, letting me know that she cared but was still a little annoyed with me.

I sat my cup down on the counter and chuckled half-heartedly. "Sorry, I just didn't sleep well last night." I had actually slept perfectly fine, but she didn't need to know that.

Yoruichi blew a strand of hair out of her face and rolled her eyes. "Sure, I bet. Come on, tell me what's _really_ bothering you."

Did I ever mention that I'm a bad liar? Because I am, like really really bad. My voice goes up an octave and that's exactly what gives me away to anyone who knows me well enough _every damn time_. I took a seat on the black couch against the wall which is where everyone else refused to sit. It was made of leather, and the hospital was kept pretty cold. No one liked sitting on a cold surface, but sometimes if there was nowhere else to sit, doctors would steal warm blankets from the nurse's station and lay them on the couch. Lucky for me though, I preferred the cold which basically made the couch _my_ couch.

I let Yoruichi know that I didn't really want to elaborate on the matter by exhaling heavily. But still, I decided to go ahead and spill because I knew I was dealing with a relentless woman. "I have a date later."

She blinked a few times, processing. "Oh."

Usually when people tell their friends that they have a date, it elicits a positive response. But people were protective of me.

Yoruichi crossed her arms and leaned her back against the wall, a worried expression scrunching her forehead. "Who is he? I need to know all about him just in case I have to kick his ass later."

I laughed. I wasn't the type to get upset whenever someone offered to beat someone up for me. It just showed me that they cared about me. I wasn't worried about feeling emasculated or any of that dumb shit.

"Thanks, but it's a little soon to be digging his grave. His name is Grimmjow."

It felt so odd to be telling someone about a guy. I hadn't dated in so long by choice.

Yoruichi arched a dark purple eyebrow at me, of which I never was sure if the color was natural or not. "That's a weird ass name. Is he foreign?"

I had been wondering that myself. But Grimmjow spoke Japanese flawlessly, so maybe he was raised in Japan and had European parents. Or maybe he was a figment of my imagination and he would fuck off soon. Yeah, that'd be nice.

"I have no idea. I actually don't know jack shit about him now that I think about it." I scowled at myself. I probably should've gotten to know him a _little_ better.

"How the hell did you meet this guy in the first place?" It was a fair question considering that I never went out.

I knew I was about to be judged, but there was no use in even _attempting_ to lie. "I met him two days ago, he was a patient."

"Damn Ichigo, that's actually kind of scandalous." Yoruichi giggled, a sound so feminine I wasn't sure if it even came from her, tightened her ponytail and walked over to sit on the arm of the couch, hunched over with her hand cupping her cheek. "What made you say yes to a date?"

"I'm bored." I shrugged like it was no big deal. Well, to me it _was_ no big deal. But for her, I knew she wouldn't like that answer, but it was the truth.

She winced. "Don't tell him that or he'll think it's a meaningless date. Or worse, a pity date."

"It kind of _is_ a pity date. He's hot and all, but he's a little pushy." I had to rephrase that when I saw an expression on Yoruichi's face that let me know I had raised a giant red flag. "He was just really persistent about dating me."

Yoruichi's face relaxed for the most part but she was still frowning. "In all seriousness, I really do hope he's a nice guy that ends up being boyfriend material. Maybe that's what you need."

"Yeah, maybe."

I wasn't going to start giving myself false hope, but it _was_ a nice thought.

* * *

 

When I finished my shift and got a text from Grimmjow saying he was out in the parking lot, I didn't expect to see a motorcycle waiting for me.

_He couldn't get any more lame, could he?_

He was leaning against the cement wall of the parking enclosure, grinning at me with wild eyes and equally wild hair that was probably caused by a helmet. _At least he was safe, I guess._

I walked closer to Grimmjow, noticing how his eyes looked at a different part of my body with each step. It was kind of pissing me off.

"A motorcycle? You don't look old enough to be having a midlife crisis." I felt like insulting him, and that was the best I could come up with.

He ran a hand through his hair, probably trying to tame it. He failed quite miserably. "And you don't look like a doctor anymore. Shit, those clothes really do you some justice."

I was two seconds from ditching him. When Grimmjow gave me compliments, they didn't sound like compliments. To me, they came off as him trying to get under my skin to the best of his ability. The bad part was that it was starting to work.

"It's just jeans and a tshirt, calm the fuck down." He reminded me of teenage boys discovering girls for the first time. I think that if I had taken my shirt off I would've had to rush him into the ER from an aneurysm.

Grimmjow twirled the keys to his motorcycle on his middle finger. "You look good, though." He smiled. "You ready to get going?"

I had never been on a motorcycle before and to tell the truth, I was a bit terrified.

"Sure." But fuck fear, right?

* * *

 

I attempted to keep my hands to myself for the entire ride just so that I didn't give Grimmjow the satisfaction of me touching him, but let me tell you, when you're on a motorcycle it's kind of impossible not to cling onto something. Especially if you're me and you're afraid of falling off.

My arms were wrapped around Grimmjow's midsection so tightly I felt him shift uncomfortably against me, trying to loosen my grip.

Something that pleasantly surprised me was that the fucker wasn't trying to show off by making sharp turns and going faster than he should have been. Maybe Grimmjow sensed that I was scared and decided not to push my buttons _too_ far. I was grateful for that.

When I felt the brakes jerk us to a stop I opened my eyes, not remembering when I had closed them. I was scared, okay, it's normal to close your eyes when you're scared. Grimmjow nudged the kickstand down with his foot and slung his leg over to stand up on the pavement of the sidewalk. I followed him, being careful because my legs kind of hurt from sitting in a weird position on a motorcycle for so long.

There were a row of shops on each side of the street in a cozy little area of town where there weren't too many people but just enough to make me feel comfortable. _Damn, he really did pay attention to what I had told him._

"You smell like coffee." Grimmjow mumbled, shoving his keys into his pocket and walking close to me but at a safe distance.

The comment was so out of nowhere that it caught me off guard. "Yeah, and?" _You smell like nicotine and fabric softener,_ I thought.

"So I assumed that you'd like to go to a coffee shop or something like that."

I had to give Grimmjow some credit. He was smart enough to make an observation and put it to use. As fucking cliche as a coffee shop date is, I couldn't help but like the idea. I could never have too much coffee.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kicked my fucking ass (which is why it took so long to get it out, sorry about that)

I had never been on a coffee shop date in my life, but let me tell you, movies make them seem better than they really are.

Shit hit the fan as soon as Grimmjow ordered our drinks. I told him that I would pay for my own but he insisted on buying. I let it slide, telling myself that he was just trying to be polite. I told him what I wanted and when he ordered for us, the barista was batting her eyelashes at him. It didn't bother me in the slightest, but for some reason Grimmjow was pretty damn pissed off about it. He immediately put his arm around me, and thankfully I saw that move coming from a mile away so I only flinched _a_ _little_. The dejected look on the woman's face honestly made me feel bad.

When we sat down with our coffee I kept my eyes glued to the table and focused on the buzz of voices melding together in the room from so many people talking at once. I tried pretending that Grimmjow wasn't there, which was hard because he was staring a hole through me.

"So what's your deal?"

I squinted. What the hell kind of question is that for someone you brought out on a date?

" _What_?" I ended up sounding more offended than I actually was, but that was a good thing considering I _wanted_ Grimmjow to feel like he was being an asshole.

Grimmjow scratched the side of his face, probably a nervous habit, and readjusted himself in his seat. "What I meant to ask, is why are you so damn weird about dating?"

"You mean why am I so weird about dating _you_?" I'd said it with confidence, but Grimmjow looked at me like he knew it wasn't just him I was so awkward around. I sighed and leaned back. "I have a bad history with men, that's all you need to know."

"Did someone hurt you?"

I felt my jaw tighten. _He didn't know the half of it._ "Something like that." My tone was flat; I was on guard now.

"I won't ever hurt you."

"How can you just say that? What if I do something you don't like? What if I say the wrong thing and you get pissed off? _What then_?" My words were coming out rushed and my palms were starting sweat. I was already starting to get images of the past flashing through my head and I needed to calm down before it was too late. "Can we change the subject?"

"You don't look so good, are you o-"

I banged my fist on the table and closed my eyes. "I said change the fucking subject!"

Grimmjow just gaped at me, completely caught off guard from me yelling at him like that. I could hear myself hyperventilating and judging from the look on Grimmjow's face I must have looked extremely freaked out. He stood up and walked to my side of the table.

"You're coming outside with me."

It wasn't a request, it was flat out a demand. I couldn't bring myself to care too much because in all honesty I needed to get some air. I got up and followed him out, walking slowly because I was starting to get a bit dizzy. We walked to the small alley that separated two shops and I leaned my head back against the wall, trying to get myself to calm down.

Grimmjow stood in front of me at a nice distance to give me the space that I obviously needed. He had a serious look on his face but the way his eyebrows were tilted upwards I could tell that he was worried.

"Does this...happen a lot?" He asked, keeping his voice as gentle as possible. He sounded calm and collected but I knew that he was freaked out.

I nodded quickly and took in a deep breath. "More than I'd like to admit."

Grimmjow took a step forward. "Fuck, someone really _did_ hurt you, didn't they?"

I exhaled and looked him in the eyes. "I'm sorry about our date, I didn't plan on this shit happening."

Grimmjow scoffed at me and shoved a hand in his pocket. "It's my fault for bringing something like that up. I just wish you'd told me about this so I would've known."

I hated to admit it, but he was right. Grimmjow may have wanted to put the blame on himself, but really it was my fault for not telling him. The only odd thing about the situation was that he hadn't ran off on me yet.

"You can go if you want to." I didn't exactly expect him to stick around and watch me fall apart in a fucking alley.

Grimmjow blinked at me like he didn't understand what I was talking about. I watched as his hand reached over to grab at my shoulder, but he immediately dropped it down as if the air had burned him.

"I'm not gonna just leave you here by yourself, jesus fuck, have more faith in me than that."

"So you're saying that _this_ isn't enough to scare you off?" I laughed, trying to lighten the mood because things were getting uncomfortably serious for my taste.

Grimmjow grinned at me. "Hell no. You can't get rid of me that easily."

I was actually surprised. I pegged Grimmjow as the asshole type that would jump ship when he found out that I had a huge problem that would impact him as well.

"As much as I don't want to call it quits so early, if you need to go home just let me know." Grimmjow grabbed his keys from his pocket and started twirling them on his index finger.

Now that I knew Grimmjow was a nice guy, I didn't feel like ending our date already either, but I couldn't help but feel drained after the mini episode I'd just had. "I'll make it up to you."

"You can make it up to me right now." I narrowed my eyes at him and he added, "If it's something you're okay with."

I nodded slowly, agreeing to whatever it was because I doubted that it could've been anything too bad.

"I'm going to touch you, is that okay?"

"Yeah," I said quickly. I appreciated that he had asked for permission.

Grimmjow took another few step towards me and put his hand on my shoulder then leaned in. I knew exactly what he was doing and I immediately closed my eyes when I felt his lips press against mine. It didn't last very long, a good four seconds maybe, but goddamn was it the softest, most gentle way I've ever been kissed in my entire life. It was actually really refreshing. And the hand on my shoulder was warm compared to how cold I was and I actually leaned into the touch; I hadn't been touched in so fucking long that my body seemed like it wanted more. But being a doctor, I knew that that was normal. The human body craves to be touched.

When Grimmjow pulled away I felt a bit dazed, but I tried my best to keep my head out of the clouds because I couldn't have myself turning into putty at this guy's feet over a fucking _peck_ on the lips. I also didn't want Grimmjow getting too full of himself. I may have let my walls down a little for him but that didn't mean I would immediately stop having trust issues.

"I'll call you later to check up on you."

I felt my heart slam to a halt in my chest. It was almost annoying when my friends and coworkers worried about me, but Grimmjow worrying about me seemed almost... _sweet_. Ugh, fuck, I was gonna make myself sick if I kept thinking like that.


End file.
